I'm surprisingly active today. I washed the table on my deck, which had been covered in grime for what looks like months (possibly years) before I moved in. I took out the garbage. I've written several e-mails related to Classic-Horror. I edited and posted a review, and did some housekeeping around the long-neglected staff pages.
I say surprisingly
active because I have not slept since 1 PM. Yesterday.
Why this sudden burst of energy? Why all this activity and bustle?
On Thursday, Mom came over. Ostensibly to give me my souvenirs from Washington D.C. (my very first shotglass! How sad that I'm using it as a drinking cup in my bathroom), but really to cut me a check for whatever I couldn't pay on my bills this month. She was pretty shocked to find I didn't need that much, but I live pretty simply.
But it was so uncomfortable for me. I know she's happy as hell to help me if I need it, but I don't want to have to need it. I'm 21 years old. I should only be accepting parental assistance at this stage if I'm in school, which - my one community college course this summer aside - I am not.
So, I decided to put it in gear. If I wait my entire life for inspiration, I'm never going to create anything. I wrote 8 pages of material the other day on a deadline. It was a good 8 pages. Could use a little polishing, but the basic ideas were there.
* I began working on Classic-Horror pretty consistently again.
* I cleaned off the table outside.
* I put in an Ebay bid for a really cheap 486, Windows 95 laptop with a mere 8 megs of RAM and semi-decent batteries.
* I made a deal with airawyn
to complete my novel.
All of these things are going to get my back in gear, not as a Writer, but as somebody who writes. Classic-Horror is something I know how to do, I'm comfortable with the material, it puts me in a position of authority which gives me confidence. I cleaned off the table outside to give myself a sunny space to work with fresh air and a connection to the world.
And I bid on the laptop (which it looks like I'm going to *steal* for 20 bucks) because it gives me a comfortable place to work. When I'm on a computer, I zone out. The world around me kinda drops off, and it's just me and the screen. It's like a little haven of tunnel vision. On a cheapass laptop, all I have is an open copy of Notepad to focus on. And I can work anywhere. On my deck. On my writing desk. In bed. At the coffeehouse. Anytime it strikes me, I can boot up. And believe me, I don't need any real prodding to boot up a computer.
SONOFABITCH. Somebody leapt in at the very, very last second and stole it away from me. Goddamn. Fuckin' vultures...
Anyway. I will get a cheapass working laptop. If anybody has one in their closet, I'm taking donations. I'll cover shipping, but I can't kick in much beyond a 20 for the actual unit. Plus I can promise a mention in the acknowledgements of my soon-to-be bestselling speculative fiction novel. And maybe even a nod in the fabulous sequel. Which I haven't even begun to conceive, but it'll happen, because I'm a big whore.
So, yes. I'm starting the gears towards getting something cool accomplished. And suddenly, I'm reminded of a quote that I read yesterday in this interview
- "I hate writing. I love having written."
So it's become for me these days, and I will perservere.
If I don't fall over from exhaustion first. :D