Cold Turkey

[jetpack_monkey]

The last couple weeks have been both very strange and oddly familiar. On the Wednesday before Christmas, I left fandomhigh completely. Not just as an admin, but also as a player. While I still keep in touch with everyone, it's been very weird to not have a million things to look after, decide about, organize. I'm starting to create very silly things for myself to do in order to pass the time, like doing a lot of memes and working on new websites that I know I'm never going to launch.

In short, when I said that I was planning on spending January very bored, I was right. And I don't like it. It's very weird to suddenly go from being necessary and useful to being free of responsibility and just... there. I have grand designs on what I'd like to do, but I'm running into the same ruts that plagued me before Fandom High -- that is, I really want to work on my writing, but I hate to write. It's like extracting blood from underneath my fingernails. I love having written, of course, but who doesn't?

With 2006 just 12 hours away, I need to figure out what I'm *doing* with myself in the new year.

Very scary prospect, having nothing to do. Must rectify it. My ego depends on it.

Comments

Somewhat relating here

[kittycat22.livejournal.com]

As everyone who reads even one line of my journal every now and again knows, I've been crazy busy all last semester. Well, let me tell you, right now I'm not half as busy and it feels weird and wrong to have free time. I can't seem to figure out the pleasure involved in relaxation anymore. It's like I have to keep busy or else I feel guilty about it. I'm working on changing this, but I so get what you mean. Well, about the having nothing to do bit. I can't say I understand the writing stuff, but that's ok. :)

It is interesting, though, the things which suddenly seem essential when the really essential things are kind of finished.

[diannelamerc.livejournal.com]

I really want to work on my writing, but I hate to write. It's like extracting blood from underneath my fingernails. I love having written, of course, but who doesn't?

Sometimes I think that's the sickest irony the world has come up with for us poor writer-types. *sigh* Much sympathy.

Just remember, you don't have the whole year mapped out for yourself by midnight. (I mean think about it -- how much of the good you had this year was mapped out 365 days ago? ;)

*hugs*

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I don't necessarily need to know how it ends... I just want to have a solid opening with some basic themes in mind.

[diannelamerc.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean. (I, of course, get the annual birthday "reflect back on your year" and the New Year's one both at the same time. Believe me, I know what you're talking about. :-p)

*hugs* If I think of anything brilliant I'll pass it along. :-p

[kajivar]

Maybe rejoin Fen College? Then you have a place to do some writing.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Nah, it's the admin-y stuff I miss. But I appreciate the offer/reminder.

[gumboy.livejournal.com]

*gives you FH stepdown patch*

Sure it looks like a Rainbow Brite band-aid, but it works... not at all.