I Never Meme Anymore

[jetpack_monkey]

But this one, I could not resist. Mainly because so many people on my flist have very vivid imaginations. Ganked from... uh... various users.

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's *never* happened.

Then, if you like, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.

Comments

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Remember the time about three months ago when we went up to Canada and got stopped by the border police for supposedly "smuggling" in booze? I still crack up when I think of the look on your face when they told us we'd be detained for two hours. I'm just sorry my claim that we were Mexican immigrants actually worked to our detriment. My bad.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I still think that my recently developed allergy to latex has something to do with that interrogation.

But, hey, on the plus side - we still got a neat little trip to a border country! So, the sneaking back into the US through irrigation pipes wasn't the funnest thing ever, but we survived!

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you were fine after we got through the pipes, because you weren't the one the dobermans took a shine to. I still can't believe you didn't find me 'til we both wound up at that industrial club in Detroit. Damn cell phone "out of area" crap.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry about leaving you behind with the Dobies - I thought you made it out. And with the gunfire going off all around, well - all I could think is run run run.

And I don't know why we both went to Detroit. And I don't know why we picked that particular club. Especially after we got involved in that bar brawl with Gary Coleman...

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Who'd have thought he'd try to bite your ankles like that? That guy fights dirty. Of course, not as dirty as Bob Saget. He's a hair puller, as you'll well recall. I had a helluva time getting him to let go. It was just lucky you had those four ounces of weed on you to bribe him with.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, if we hadn't just bought from Marlon Brando, where would we be? Still it was fun to see Saget so completely stoned - "The Olsen twins... man... they were... hip, hip ladies."

Hey, by the way, have your eyebrows grown back since that night in Hoboken with the Nair and the Mormon?

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Yes, no thanks to you. Did you ever get that flesh wound looked at? I was shocked when it turned out that not only was the bouncer at the club Stephen Collins, but that he was packin' heat.

[airawyn.livejournal.com]

I'll always have fond memories of our time together as undergrads at Cal Tech. Especially that summer internship at the NSA. Remember when we decrypted that message wrong and almost got the US in a nuclear war with Canada? Those were the times.

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

remember the time we hung out and suddenly we were stuck in a muppet movie and the only way out was that we had to do a song and dance number and you broke out into this fabulous rendition of "its raining men"

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I know. Man, that stung. Good thing he can't aim for shit. But hey, the ride in the ambulance was a lot of fun, and that doctor gave you his number... At least I think it was the doctor. Do doctors have Love and Hate tatooed on their knuckles?

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Ah, yeah. Those crazy Canucks never knew what almost hit them. Every time I look at Celine Dion, I feel a little sad knowing the good we could have done if we hadn't alerted our superiors...

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Was it really that good? I thought I was a little off-key. Plus having Animal strapped to my back wasn't doing me much good...

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

*snerk* No, he wasn't so much a doctor. Which, uh, yeah. The rest of what happened was kind of a private moment between him and me. ;)

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Does this have anything to do with why you smelled like patchouli the next day? Even the gal at the DMV noticed, yo. She said so right before that massive hostage situation.

What I don't understand is A) why somebody would take the DMV hostage and B) why they would do it to prove their love to Bea Arthur?

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Damn, but it took hours to get the patchouli stink out of my hair. It was worth it, though. *blush*

I TOLD YOU at the time, hello, Bea Arthur is the patron saint of drivers' licenses! Sheesh. Anyway, I was just glad you'd gotten infused with the Bane of Hepateeph, otherwise you totally couldn't have taken out the gunmen. Did the effects of that ever wear off, by the way, or are you still sporting green scales on your left ear?

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Thank you ever so much for bringing that up. You know, that's the problem with these ancient Banes/Amulets/Essences - the powers go away, but the side effects drag on.

Like that time you got hit by that ray gun and you had the power to bend time.

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Don't remind me. I still have a tendency to hiccup and rewind parts of the day. Freakin' witch doctors, all a bunch of stupid --

*hic*

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Don't remind me. I still have a tendency to hiccup and rewind parts of the day. Freakin' witch doctors, all a bunch of stupid --

*hic*

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Don't remind me. I still have a tendency to hiccup and rewind parts of the day. Freakin' witch doctors, all a bunch of stupid --

*hic*

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

*drinks water*

There. Sorry. I really need an antidote for this.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

We could go back to Asgard, see what Odin has to say. You know how he always has the answer to everything. It's that eye sacrifice he made. Wisdom and all of that.

Plus, he always has really good stuff.

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Dood, could he hook us up with some more smack? 'Cause last time was the bomb diggity.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

No kidding. Forget ambrosia. It's all about the Narcotics of the Gods.

The last time we were totally bombed for weeks. Or months. Something. It's when I got that tattoo, remember?

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Actually, no, I don't remember you getting the tattoo, since, hello, also wasted out of my gourd!

I think I very well may have a kid out there that I don't know about.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Weird. Me, too.

...

...

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

No, no, no. I have a fuzzy impression of a man with an eye patch, actually. I think that was the same weekend you wandered away with Martha Plimpton, though.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank God. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're great, but...

Was that Martha Plimpton? I must've been bombed. I totally thought it was Parker Posey.

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Dude, no. Parker Posey totally threw a vodka tonic in your face at that toga party, remember?

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, sorry. That was Parker ABRAMS I was thinking about. And he was much more gentle than Posey.

Bastard never called me back, though...

Hey, didn't you and he?

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

*sobs* You just had to bring him up, didn't you? Luckily, I did hit him over the head with a large piece of lumber once. It might have been a small tree limb. I can't remember. I was a bit troglodytic at the time.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Eh, you were going through a bad time. Beer seemed like a solution.

It's no worse than the time that I got possessed by an ancient evil and had my soul destroyed in the fires of resurrection! And I got better!

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Don't get me started on fire. I'm still smarting from that goddamn amulet debacle.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I *told* you. Any girl who compares her relationship status to freaking cookie dough is not stable enough to be handing out amulets of unimaginable power.

It just isn't done.

It's like that time we were in Niagra and the animal figurines started talking to you.

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

I can't decide if I hope I was possessed in Niagra or if I hope I was going crazy. Either way, aren't you glad I hooked you up with that nurse when your neck swelled up to the size of your head?

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

If you hadn't done that emergency trache job, I would've been a goner. But, then, after our emergency medical training down in Honduras, I can't really expect much less. :D

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

What can I say, I'm a menace with a ballpoint?

And I think we're spent, yo. *snicker*

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Spent? SPENT?

What is this spent you speak of?