Blind Item

[jetpack_monkey]

I had a friend email me out of the blue and tell me that they "continued" to not want anything to do with me. Which is the first I've heard of it. We used to be close, but drifted apart, and I hadn't heard from them in over a year prior to this. I can't ask them what this is about because they specifically requested I not attempt communication or contact of any kind and I'm respecting that. I can only guess.

The memory goblins are compiling a litany of every potential offense or slight I've ever committed within a five-mile radius of this person. I thought I'd been really good about not being a total asshole lately, but maybe I just got cocky.

Comments

[niqaeli]

Uh, that's kind of bullshit? Like, it sounds like they're deliberately reaching out to hurt you for some reason or another -- because, if you haven't been reaching out to them then this is all fundamentally moot, and the only reason to bring it up at all is to upset and hurt you.

And especially with doing that and not, you know, mentioning why? If they've never set this boundary before and decided to set it now, out of the blue, without any information on why and effectively banning you from asking them why? It's intended to hurt you or it's intended to make you chase after for the answer in defiance of the stated boundary and make you look/act like an asshole.

So, I mean, maybe you were an asshole to them, I can't speak to that. But this is NOT a sensible way of setting boundaries on their part.

[jetpack_monkey]

There are some social things (both virtual and meatpsace) where we'll be required to be at least within each others' orbits. The person was warning me not to get friendly during those occasions. But yeah, otherwise, this is kind of what the fuck, I agree.

[niqaeli]

If you'd drifted, I mean, the more sensible way of handling that would've been wait and see if you tried to be friendly in those orbits -- and if you did, respond with disinterest and if you didn't respond to normal cues at that point, shut it down cold.

Like, this just seems to be making something out of nothing. NOT that I'm saying that they shouldn't set boundaries but, like, if you haven't BEEN trying to pursue the friendship -- then why? What purpose is served? Just let the friendship/acquaintance/whatever die a quiet and unremarked upon death.

(I have a lot of feelings about this kind of things because I lost a very, very dear friend in a very painful way, with boundaries not being communicated explicitly and no real explanations ever offered for why those boundaries were being set (see: the boundaries themselves not being communicated explicitly). Sometimes you don't get to know. But there's still ways of going about it that are less shitty than others, you know? Anyway.)