Blind Item

[jetpack_monkey]

I had a friend email me out of the blue and tell me that they "continued" to not want anything to do with me. Which is the first I've heard of it. We used to be close, but drifted apart, and I hadn't heard from them in over a year prior to this. I can't ask them what this is about because they specifically requested I not attempt communication or contact of any kind and I'm respecting that. I can only guess.

The memory goblins are compiling a litany of every potential offense or slight I've ever committed within a five-mile radius of this person. I thought I'd been really good about not being a total asshole lately, but maybe I just got cocky.

Comments

[kass]

I'm so sorry. What a painful thing to have happen. It sucks when a friend decides to break up, especially if they won't tell you why (because brain weasels -- at least my brain weasels -- are always capable of coming up with reasons why someone might want to dump me, even though I know intellectually that the truth is almost never as dreadful as my worst imaginings.) I'm really sorry that this has happened to you.

[brokenallbroken]

Some "friend". Sounds like they're the one with the problem.

You have succeeded in not being an asshole in my presence.

[settiai]

*hugs*

[grammarwoman]

What an unpleasant bombshell to have dropped on you - I'm sorry. *hugs* The complete surprise, unexplained way it was done is extra-crappy, too.

[niqaeli]

Uh, that's kind of bullshit? Like, it sounds like they're deliberately reaching out to hurt you for some reason or another -- because, if you haven't been reaching out to them then this is all fundamentally moot, and the only reason to bring it up at all is to upset and hurt you.

And especially with doing that and not, you know, mentioning why? If they've never set this boundary before and decided to set it now, out of the blue, without any information on why and effectively banning you from asking them why? It's intended to hurt you or it's intended to make you chase after for the answer in defiance of the stated boundary and make you look/act like an asshole.

So, I mean, maybe you were an asshole to them, I can't speak to that. But this is NOT a sensible way of setting boundaries on their part.

[jetpack_monkey]

There are some social things (both virtual and meatpsace) where we'll be required to be at least within each others' orbits. The person was warning me not to get friendly during those occasions. But yeah, otherwise, this is kind of what the fuck, I agree.

[niqaeli]

If you'd drifted, I mean, the more sensible way of handling that would've been wait and see if you tried to be friendly in those orbits -- and if you did, respond with disinterest and if you didn't respond to normal cues at that point, shut it down cold.

Like, this just seems to be making something out of nothing. NOT that I'm saying that they shouldn't set boundaries but, like, if you haven't BEEN trying to pursue the friendship -- then why? What purpose is served? Just let the friendship/acquaintance/whatever die a quiet and unremarked upon death.

(I have a lot of feelings about this kind of things because I lost a very, very dear friend in a very painful way, with boundaries not being communicated explicitly and no real explanations ever offered for why those boundaries were being set (see: the boundaries themselves not being communicated explicitly). Sometimes you don't get to know. But there's still ways of going about it that are less shitty than others, you know? Anyway.)

[elipie]

I am completely in agreement with niqaeli. Of course people have the right to end friendships when they feel they're unhealthy without an explanation, but... you haven't heard from this person in over a year? And they've never mentioned this before? Honestly, you are probably better off without this person, because anyone who would randomly dump a friend out of the blue in that fashion is being intentionally hurtful and clearly doesn't have any respect for other people's feelings (which, if there was a clear reason why, okay, but if not, I feel like at least a short explanation would probably be courteous, and not that hard to give if they know you and therefore know you will respect their boundaries). I'm really upset on your behalf, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

[bironic]

Thirding niqauli. Sounds like a passive-aggressive way to hurt your feelings without being able to seek relief by contacting them back. I'm sorry; that sucks.

[joyo]

4thing, I guess.

The only things I could think of that would make me say "okay, fair enough" to this approach are sufficiently horrendous that I struggle to imagine a Jetpack Monkey that is capable of them? Uh also it is highly unlikely that you wouldn't know/remember :P

Anyhoot, if this is over some slight or social transgression, it's a little bit gross, imo. It's not that they *owe* you an explanation, but if they are going to formally sever ties and don't want to say why then there are better, less putative ways of doing that.

If someone is going to drop a passive-aggressive bombshell and then leave you stranded with blanks for your imagination to fill,then imo they don't deserve your stress. How are you even supposed to know what you're stressing about?

*shrugguy*

[jetpack_monkey]

That's pretty much where I am. If they want to talk with me about this, I'll be happy to listen and take my lumps. I know I'm not perfect and I know that I'm capable of pissing people off. I also work hard to learn from my mistakes, though.

I don't even know.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Poo. Also, that is strange.

{{{{hugs you!!!}}}}

[brightone.livejournal.com]

That's pretty bizarre. People are bizarre.

<3

[darklightluna.livejournal.com]

*huuugs*

It's their issue, you're awesome.

[kittycat22.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

What an incredibly odd and mean email. :-/

[diannelamerc.livejournal.com]

Sounds like they were advised to "let go of the past/toxic people" and proceeded to passively-aggressively inform said people "Look! I'm ignoring you!" Like a small child.

Clearly their definition of "toxic" is seriously skewed, but considering how healthy their approach to social skills is (not), I'd worry about their actions more than yours.

*hugs*

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

Weird. :(