So, what ARE the elements of the Ultimate Story?

[jetpack_monkey]

We all know that evil robot clones from the future and monkeys with jetpacks can do nothing but improve a storyline. I mean, Citizen Kane's just a piece of self-important cinematic bombast until you throw in a toxic mutated freak and an evil alternate universe version of said freak (which is a good substitution for an evil robot clone) and suddenly you have the genius of Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV.

So, let's get listy here. What are some necessary elements for the Ultimate Story?

- Monkeys with jetpacks
- Evil robot clones from the future
- Zombies, preferably in a band of some kind (hjcallipygian)
- Lots and lots of gratuitous sex without meaning or logic (seeshellirun)
- A gigantic space/air battle with whooshing sounds.
- Death by Pop-Tart/bunny hybrid named Mr. Majenta (soleilsoul)
- Hidden weaponry in the climactic battle, preferably something with an unexpected blade.

Evil robot clones from the future property of hjcallipygian

Comments

[hjcallipygian.livejournal.com]

Zombies of some sort. There must be zombies. If they are in either an indie rock band or an intellectual post-hardcore political band, even better.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Ooh, yes. I almost forgot about hardcore political zombie rockers. They're an important ingredient.

I suddenly want a B-52s parody with tunes like Rock Zombie and Love Hack.

[hjcallipygian.livejournal.com]

If I had any musical ability what-so-ever, I would be delighted to provide you with such. As it is, though, I could make money from people paying me to stop singing.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

My ex proposed pretty much the same financial contract to me after one of my many ill-advised bouts of warbling. She also threatened castration, if I recall correctly.

[hjcallipygian.livejournal.com]

My girlfriend promised to kiss me as long as I didn't sing unless music was already on. Positive reinforcement is definitely the way to go. =)

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Heh. Somebody should tell that to my ex.

"SWM, 22, seeks SF, 19-30 for friendship, maybe more. Must give positive reinforcement and be tolerant of poor singing. Fast-moving zombies need not apply."

[hjcallipygian.livejournal.com]

No girl in her right mind would turn down such an ad. You can even use the "tall girls can wear heels," trump card.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "This is great! I can wear heels with you!" Which is cool, because a tall girl is a very attractive thing.

[hjcallipygian.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree. It's amazing how long a tall girl's legs can get. I went to college at a school with a very good women's volleyball team, and let me tell you, damn they were hot. I went to a volleyball party when I was a sophomore, and I can say with authority that tall athletic girls are very nice.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

I just like being able to make eye contact without straining my neck. It's a big deal for me.

[seeshellirun.livejournal.com]

Don't forget lots and lots of gratuitous sex. Preferably with no emotional meaning or logic, whatsoever.

[jetpack-monkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, how could I forget gratuitous sex?

[thevelvetdays.livejournal.com]

bloody death by rabid poptart/bunny hybrid named Mr. Majenta. (no relation to Mr. Pink....OR IS THERE?