Extra! Extra!

Please, ladies and gentlemen, do try to hold your excitement when I tell you the momentous news. I, being of sound socially functional mind and body, have done something so incredible, I scarcely believe it myself:

I have returned a DVD to Netflix.

Nay, I have returned two to the loving bosom of the movie mail-rental company.

This is a feat that has not been seen in nearly eighteen months! Many thought it impossible that such a thing would ever be achieved again, but I have sallied forth and deposited the envelope securely in the proper receptacle for the United States Postal Service to retrieve and thenceforth deliver to its rightful owner. Zounds!