Verklempt

Jul. 21st, 2012 07:38 pm
jetpack_monkey: (Donna - Sad Hugs)
Something happened in the last couple of years where I've started tearing up, sniffling, or downright crying at the drop of a hat while watching media. I've always had a soft gushy spot for family moments -- parents reuniting with children, emotionally-distant fathers finally admitting how much their offspring means to them -- but now it seems like a week doesn't go by where I don't at least feel that odd prickly sensation rise around my nose bridge.

Just this weekend, it happened a bunch of times times. I was watching Batman Begins, specifically the scene where Bruce's parents are shot and I just started getting blubbery... then they cut to Jim Gordon talking to Bruce and he reaches out and touches the kid and I just *lost* it.

I had a misty moment in an episode of Fringe where Walter expresses his love for Peter (when Peter's not even in the room).

Then, [personal profile] echan was watching Suits and I was half-attentive and there was a freakin' car commercial where a father drives off-road to share a rainbow with his daughter. I had a few sniffles and maybe a little wetness around the eyes.

I dunno, is there something about heading into your thirties that makes you extra-sensitive to emotional moments or am I just a big gooby softie?

I should probably carry some tissue with me on emergency reserve at Vividcon.
jetpack_monkey: (Tyrion Lannister - All Imps are Bastards)
Hello friends! Been a busy busy couple of weeks. I've been writing my very last review for Classic-Horror.com, catching up on this Game of Thrones thing (isn't Tyrion awesome? He's totally awesome) and hugging my new iPad and calling it Acquanetta. Because that's its name.

I watched the entire first season of New Girl. At first it was this thing I did and I didn't know why. I didn't like the title character and the supporting cast was marginally interesting. But I kept watching. And eventually I found that I loved the show and I really liked all the characters, even the main character. Looking forward to Season 2.

Game of Thrones owns my soul. It is so amazing. However, unlike New Girl, I'm sharing the experience with [personal profile] echan , so it's kind of slow-going. I am only up to episode 8 of Season 1. That said, I am reading the books at the same time and may eventually surpass my place in the series. I'm up to roughly episode five in the first book.

I have abandoned my planned Vividcon Premiere. I'll be whipping up something else instead, hopefully.

Going to the Stanley Cup Final Game 4 on Wednesday thanks to a raffle at work. Hoping to get into hockey through the experience.

Some awesome Thor vids that I have loved:

Everything You Ever by [personal profile] airawyn (Loki focus, plus bonus Iron Man vid on the same page)
Somebody That I Used to Know (Sweet Dreams remix) by [personal profile] talitha78 (Thor/Loki)
jetpack_monkey: (Marshall - Angsty)
Mark McKissick, junior high English teacher, passed away earlier this week.

To say that I had a difficult time in school vastly understates the issue. The worst of it was junior high for a variety of reasons. Mainly? It was junior high, that purgatory of all school tiers. You have a lot of kids from a bunch of different schools, some who know each other, some who don't, all pushed together for the first time after spending 6-7 years with the same bunch of faces year after year. Throw into that cauldron that most, but not all of these kids are just starting puberty and their bodies are in turmoil, their brains overtaken by hormones. As the natural narcissism of children slips away and leaves behind only questions and self-doubt, social groups from grade school get broken, refactored, and reformed as belligerent cliques of adolescents trying to belong to something just a bit bigger than themselves. They're just self-conscious enough to know that they need to put up walls and define boundaries, but not self-aware enough to know that it's because they're terrified -- of not knowing who they are, what to do, where to go, why any of it matters.

And in this never-ending flood of hormones, fear and pain, there are those who must try to teach.

Most of them hold back the waters just long enough to get from one bell to the next. You can't honestly expect much more of them, poor bastards.

One in particular, however, tried to teach us how to swim.

Mr. McKissick taught English at Washington Junior High in Rock Island, IL. He started as the 7th Grade English teacher and moved up to the 8th Grade with my class, a bit of good luck which I am eternally grateful for. He helped make me the human being I am today.

He had his work cut out for him. I was awkward. Everyone is in junior high, but I felt like I was the most awkward. I was completely lacking in self-awareness and basically did everything wrong that you can do in junior high, socially. I frequently kept my hands above waist-level. When I spoke, my voice would get extremely high when I was excited, and I always said what I was thinking and feeling. I wore whatever I owned that didn't smell. I would speed walk from class to class, taking pleasure in getting seated before anyone else even entered the room. I loved being called on and knowing the answer. I was convinced I was the smartest and the funniest, but I almost never did homework and I couldn't take a joke, good-natured or mean-spirited.

Basically, on the junior high totem pole, I was below the dirt.*

My parents didn't understand. They were unhappy about my grades. They didn't understand how I wasn't making friends. They suggested things like "Pay attention to what the other kids are doing and wearing." They pushed books on body language so that I could present myself better and maybe the other kids would stop calling me gay.** Like most of my teachers, they were holding back the waters*** and again, that's about as much as anyone can expect. Junior high kids don't know what they're going through or why they're going through it. How the hell are parents supposed to know?

Mr. McKissick knew. I suspect he'd been where I am, the lonely scared kid different from everybody else but not really sure why. Or maybe not. He seemed too cool to have ever been scared or lonely.

He gave a crap. I mean, most everyone did, but they were so overwhelmed. He had a way of talking to you like your concerns were the only ones on his mind at the time. He wanted to know how you were doing, what was going on. He kept me back after class a couple times because he saw I was hurt about something and he wanted to make sure I was all right. I always brushed it off and said it was nothing, but it meant a lot that he noticed. I, king of the unsporty, ended up joining the tennis team because he coached it and I managed the girl's tennis team in 8th Grade as well.

I was a voracious reader and he would occasionally let me borrow books from him, books normally not allowed outside the classroom. His class was the first time I ever really wrote at any great length about literature critically, which I think eventually segued into me writing about film critically. When it came to homework, I didn't want to disappoint him (even though I did, repeatedly, because I had ADHD and didn't know it).

He didn't let me get away with my usual crap, either. My ever-present litany of excuses were always met with alternatives -- not pushy, but just snarky enough to say, "I know what you're doing, I understand, but you have to stop."

I can still hear his voice in my head, measured but with the kind of twinkle you usually ascribe to eyes.

I'm not the only one with stories like this. He inspired other classmates in other ways. I stopped by to visit him at Washington right before I graduated high school and saw him work with another kid who was like me at that same age -- lonely and scared.

He was a good man and a great teacher. At a time when I felt like I was drowning, he reached his hand out to pull me above water. I didn't always take it, but it was always appreciated.


* Yes, I just went from a water metaphor to a totem pole metaphor. Deal with it.
** I want to emphasize that it was because being called "gay" was said to hurt me. I know that if I was gay, my parents would have been amazing about it.
*** Back to water again.

jetpack_monkey: (Jigoku poster)
Okay, the fact that I'm using an icon based on the poster of a movie that has a title that translates to "Hell" is not telling. I just really love that movie.

Lotta stuff going on.

-- Classic-Horror.com has been nominated for a Rondo Award for Best Website! If you like horror, you can vote here: http://rondoaward.com/rondo/rondos.html (voting ends April 1st at Midnight EST). For reasons, they only accept copy and pasted email ballots, so it's a bit of a slog to vote.

-- Working on my playlist for the Vividcon horror vidshow. I, uh, didn't realize how much work this would be, but I'm having fun discovering vids that I did not know existed before! If you know of any horror-related vids that you think would be awesome additions, please send them my way. I'm specifically having trouble finding vids made from older (pre-1980) and non-English (Eurohorror/Asian horror) sources. I also want to include at least one television vid that uses the source for creepy/scary purposes and maybe a multifandom vid.

-- On a related note, I am also looking for Premieres for my horror vidshow, because having more horror-related vids in this world cannot be a bad thing. Contact me at nate AT monkeyswithjetpacks.com.

-- I have a lot (a lot) of reviews to edit lately. Just a lot. Many. Need to work on those.

-- Talked with [personal profile] mresundance extensively today. He is made of awesomeness.

-- Finally watched Sherlock 2x01. AWESOME. Need to see the rest, clearly, although Tumblr has spoiled me to some extent.

-- FUS DO RAH!

-- Ugh, need to do more clipping for my Club Vivid vid. Getting sick of the source already and I haven't even laid anything down in Final Cut. This cannot be a good sign.

ragebunny

Jan. 29th, 2012 02:16 pm
jetpack_monkey: (Lily - Astonish-inated)
 If it weren't for Festivids, my life would be total crap right now. Work stuff. Just, argh. Every time things seem to be getting better, something else goes completely wrong.

So, thank you Festividders. Thank you all!
jetpack_monkey: (Cary Grant - Crazy Moment)
So I've been a terrible DW/LJ person lately. Sorry about that. I've tried to start a few entries, but they were quickly nixed because I either didn't have a lot to say or I was just whining about crap.

Today I kind of want to document my experiences with something that both affects me and has no bearing on reality (beyond what has always been true).

Recently, my spouse [personal profile] echan  came out as gender-neutral. I haven't talked about it a lot here because, A) I haven't been talking about anything and B) it's a complete non-issue and issue wrapped into a paradox ball.

It's mostly in the language, honestly. I don't have a wife, I have a spouse. It's "ze" not "she", "zir" not "her", etc. I'm better at rejiggering my nouns than my pronouns. Still, there are times when my sentences end rather lamely when I found that they were driving towards a gender-specific term like "girl" or "lady" (and the sentences really don't work with "person" instead -- this whole thing has been a grand lesson in how unconsciously I use language to sort out gender-specific sorts of phrasings). Also, lots of epic backtracking after letting slip the dogs of gender-specific speech.

I find that some part of me -- some very stupid part of me -- is a little put out by the fact that I'm not paired with a woman anymore. I think this is the part that's still damaged by all the gay-bashing I received in high school when I wasn't gay*. I am not proud of this part of my reaction. I simply note it because I'm trying to be honest about this experience.

I am, however, paired with an Echan and that's ultimately the most important thing to me. I'm actually a little surprised about how much zir coming out doesn't actually matter, except as far as I'm happy ze's found a way of self-identifying that ze is pleased with. Is ze the person I fell in love with? Yes. Has anything fundamentally changed about zir? No. Ze's exactly the same person I married, has all the qualities I fell in love with (and the ones that I find occasionally annoying).  I find zir just as attractive and ze still thinks I'm hot.

When Echan woke me up to come out to me, I poked my head up and said, roughly, "Not really surprised. Still my Echan." This is the truest part of the experience. Echan is as Echan always was. Ze's just putting a name to it now.

* After Echan came out, I did have a little internal discussion about my sexuality and found that I actually didn't give a fuck who I was attracted to (male, female, neither or both) beyond Echan. So that was interesting.
jetpack_monkey: (JD - Goggles)
Hey, it's my birthday! Another year older!

Sorry I've been incommunicado. I've been moving into a new place (the final place), waiting for Internet to get set-up, and generally getting adjusted to living in a new city, working at a new job, etc.

I haven't even read my friendslist in... too too long.  So if you've had any major life changes, er, point me to the relevant posts.

No birthday mixtape this year, I think. I just don't have the wherewithal (which is a shame, because I've discovered a metric eff-ton of cool new music courtesy of my lead at work).

Going to Disneyland on Friday for my birthday. It will be [personal profile] echan 's very first time going. Very exciting.  

Okay, back to the grind now. Later!
jetpack_monkey: (Victor Frankenstein - Weird Science)
It occurs to me that, other than my brief and completely unintelligible post from earlier, I haven't made a significant update in two weeks. Whoops. Here's the deal:

I was in fact, offered a job at a different web hosting company which I accepted and now I work with [livejournal.com profile] lizbetann (same schedule and everything). Went home for Christmas and moving, vastly underestimated the amount of time needed to get our crap out of the apartment, ending up doing the drive to Los Angeles a day late and the schlepping of items into the storage unit a day after that. But long story short, both [personal profile] echan and I are now Los Angeles residents (crashing with Lizbet and [livejournal.com profile] diannelamerc for the time being). We four drew up plans to live in a big geek commune of a two-bedroom apartment, only to be thwarted by unavailability and then unthwarted today when one opened up. Woot.

Also, I've been exercising daily on the Wii Fit. It's weird but I feel healthier and my ADD (which is currently unmedicated due to a foul-up with the prescriptions in the moving process) is actually semi-manageable. Mind you, when the expectations start to ramp up, I'll want my shiny orange pills again, but for now, I'm kind of okay.

Also, Lizbet and Dee are made of win. That is all.

jetpack_monkey: (Marshall - Angsty)
Just an ounce of stability. Give me just one ounce.
jetpack_monkey: (Naked Lunch - Writing on the Brain)
I haven't disappeared. I'm just busy busy busy.

1. My Club Vivid vid of awesomeness.

2. A Barney/Robin vid that I bunnied on over the weekend. I've been meaning to do one forever, then "Rough Patch" came along and killed my desire. However, I found the perfect song and now I'm laying down clips.

3. Just bunnied on my Vividcon Premieres vid. It's kind of my attempt to be [livejournal.com profile] absolutedestiny, except I'll still be me (translation: I'll cling to the lyrics like a seat-cushion-turned-flotation-device). It's Classic Hollywood set to Classic 70s Rock.

4. For some reason, I feel this driving need to construct a How I Met Your Mother chronology.

5. At some point I tripped and fell face-first into my own web design firm? Don't ask me how. It's all very Vorkosigan-y. I have three projects lined up right now.
jetpack_monkey: (NPH - What Would NPH Do?)
So much stuff going on. Some of it I can control, some of it I can control but don't seem to have any desire to do so, and some of it is out of my hands.

Credits Addict: This bit is boring )

Book: Based on a promise that [livejournal.com profile] kenobi  extracted from me -- crafty lady -- this year I'm properly starting work on some sort of horror film related book. It was meant to be a book on comedic represenations of cannibalism in film, but it turns out that another author is working along similar enough lines that I need a new idea. I'm still pondering.

Web Design: Designing a website for Dad right now. It's... going.

Work: Busy.

Phoenix Comicon: Not quite sure what's going on here, because the coordinator in question is clearly very busy, but I'm fairly certain I'm doing a panel on classic horror there in a few weeks.

Fun: I do have time for that. And it's been awesome.

Anyway, in the next week or so, keep your eyes peeled for my annual "A Great Many Things I'd Like To Do This Year" list. And of course, next month we'll have my annual birthday mix CD and Top 25 films list.
jetpack_monkey: (The Doctor (10)/Donna - Team Awesome)
Ganked from [livejournal.com profile] empressvesica -- post the first line of your first post from each month of the year.

January: As very special presents for our shiny new 2008, [livejournal.com profile] midnightfae and I were both given nasty cases of viral gastroenteritis.

February: Previous part is here. (referring to my SPN/Doctor Who crossover fic)

March: So, Mario Bava Retrospective at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood.

April: Much as this might seem like an April Fool's joke to those "in the know", it's not.

May: For those who might not know, I have an icon journal at [livejournal.com profile] jetpackvampire, which I share with [livejournal.com profile] qkellie.

June: My speculation? (talking about "Silence in the Library")

July: I was watching Father's Day to get clips for my vid, specifically the scene where Pete and Rose are talking in the car on the way to the wedding.

August: This is why I love Neil Patrick Harris.

September: Using Google's Chrome browser, which is kind of awesome.

October: Zombie Scavenger Hunt went well.

November: I picked up Boa vs. Python at the grocery story for no discernible reason other than it was $10, has David Hewlett as the leading man, and its the film that gave rise to the equally large boa meme.

December: See icon. (the icon was 10 saying, "I'm off my meds!")

Weird

Dec. 7th, 2008 08:15 pm
jetpack_monkey: (Clark Kent - Man of Tweed)
I kind of need my old Oz "Huh" icon for this post.

So I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] ravenwolf666 today about how I used to get really stressed out about deadlines and freak out and become insanely tense about things, with no clue how to relax or calm down. And she said, "I really don't see that."

And I realized that, at some point, I stopped being that guy. No idea when it happened. I still get overly worked up, but I don't get crazy. Some of my friends actually see me as kind of laidback, even.

At some point I started going with the flow. Isn't it appropriate that I don't even remember when?
jetpack_monkey: (Default)
Something weird has happened in the last month since I started living on my own again.

I'm... organized. I'm doing weekly loads of laundry, running the dishwasher regularly, cleaning out the cat box, picking up after myself, taking out the garbage... Even when I really don't want to do any of it.

It's really weird. I wasn't this put-together when I was living by myself before.

Did I grow up at some point?

Monsters

Aug. 5th, 2008 12:41 am
jetpack_monkey: (Tegan - Why Me?)
I've been having these really vivid nightmares again, usually within the first half-hour after I fall asleep.

They suck.

Weirdly, I haven't really watched any horror films lately. Maybe they keep me sane or something?
jetpack_monkey: (Default)
  • Write review for Pete Walker's Frightmare (1974)
  • Make decision on new applicant's sample review.
  • Clean apartment (or parts of it).
  • Send Courtney's press credentials to Comic-Con people.
  • Finish Neuromancer
  • Re-start Summer Knight or begin Alien Blood.
  • Pay rent.
  • Feed self.
  • Feed animals.
  • Laundry.
  • Clean room.
  • Hang posters in room.
  • Write second review, title undecided.
  • Finish Shocktober spreadsheet (yes, we're really doing prelim work on October this early).

I'm sure there's more. The clean apartment bit has soooo many subsections, which often have their own subsections. Definitely not getting all of this done this week, but it's a goal?
jetpack_monkey: (Hiro - Master of Time and Space)
I keep telling myself that one week from today is just another birthday, that turning 25 isn't significantly different than turning 24 or 22 (although 23 is significant because I'm not going to be a prime number again until I'm 29).

I think I might be lying to myself. It feels significant. It feels heavy and weird and impossible. I never considered being older than 25, because I don't dwell on the future that much. It's not that I live for today -- it's just that being ADD, plans for the future always get waylaid. Things don't really change when your Big Ideas keep getting put aside for the next bit of shiny. So you stop. You make a reasonable, flexible budget (which you tend to overspend) and hope that your charm and your uncanny ability to rally together a last-minute plan get you through the year.

[livejournal.com profile] midnightfae has some sort of awesome (in the classical sense) and complicated Birthday Plan for me. I have no idea what it is and I'm grateful, because surprises are awesome. Plus, she gets me the best presents. She freakin' tracked down a Clone High DVD for me for Christmas in 2005. Clone. High. WIN.

Keep an eye out in the next seven days for the tracklist for my annual birthday mix CD and the semi-annual Top 25 movies update.
jetpack_monkey: (Syd - Doin' Okay)
I've been busy as hell (as per usual). I'm still making updates to restore lost data to Classic-Horror. Currently, I'm in the process of readding literally hundreds of makeup and special effects credits that weren't in the backup. This weekend I'm readding the news stories that the people on my f-list so studiously retrieved from the Google cache for me (I am still in awe of you guys).

Meanwhile, I'm researching the hell out of a movie called "Die, Monster, Die!", which is loosely based on HP Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space". Or attempting to, anyway. Despite it being a British production, my books on British horror are surprisingly mum on the subject (probably because it's only a British production because the American company behind it, American-International,started producing movies in the UK for the subsidies). This lack of research material lead to a surreal moment with my roommate, who typically has to borrow from my increasingly impressive library of film books when she's writing up a review.

Me: (stands with hands on hips by bookshelf) Nothing. None of my books have anything useful. What I wouldn't give for a book on HP Lovecraft in cinema. I think McFarland published one...

Roommate: You mean HP Lovecraft in Popular Culture?

Me: No, I think it was specifically film.

Roommate: Oh. (pause) Because I have the one on popular culture.

Me: What? Really?

Roommate: Yeah. One second. (searches through bookshelves, produces what turns out to be an incredibly informative tome on the subject).


I'm still reeling from that one.

Also, I have a cat! She's a five-year-old blue-point Himalayan. I've named her Vajda (pronounced VIY-dah) after Asa Vajda (played by Barbara Steele) in Mario Bava's Black Sunday. Like her namesake, Vajda is a damaged beauty. She came to stay with us as a foster after a surgical operation to take out her ulcerous right eye. She's adorable, mellow, and purr's louder than anything you've ever heard. I'll have pictures once the stitches come out and she's a little more presentable.

...also, I was just invited to a party tonight. I'm never invited to parties.
jetpack_monkey: (Jack Skellington - What Does It Mean?)
As you may or may not know, [livejournal.com profile] midnightfae and I are in the process of moving. As such, our place has been invaded by boxes.

I'm also on a book-buying binge of late. I picked up some new stuff at Borders today (including an absolutely stunning book that just contains pages and pages of vintage horror posters) and file them appropriately. Then I snapped a bunch of pictures, because sometime in the next few days, I'm going to have to take all these books down and I wanted to preserve the image for posterity.

I've included the pictures below the cut. This is just the bookshelf devoted to my cinematic studies as well as my general writing and coding references (although I've had to pull most of the writing books over the past few days to make room for new movie-related acquisitions).

We're gonna need a bigger bookshelf )
ETA: I didn't mean to give the impression that I wanted sympathy for my books. Far from it. I'm damned proud of this collection. When I saw the breadth of my cinematic library, I had to snap some pictures.

Incidentally, I found another book that I forgot to file, so shelf #2 should be about a book wider.
jetpack_monkey: (Willow - Poopy-set Aardvark)
I overextended myself in October. I admit this. The result was worth it -- Classic-Horror busted through all previous traffic records and we posted more content than in any previous month, with 32 reviews, 34 news stories, 7 features, and 2 interviews. Of those, I wrote eight of the reviews, all the news stories, six of the features, and I conducted one of the interviews via email and transcribed the audio of the other (all told, a total of nearly 22,000 words). On top of that, I edited roughly half of the other reviews. It's an accomplishment of which I'm proud -- as should everyone involved, but damn, I'm completely burned out now.

I'm thinking of taking a step back from the site in November, but I'm not sure how. I suppose that the method will present itself, since [profile] midnightfae and I are moving at the end of the month and there is still tons of packing to do.

At the same time, I'm a little drunk on the amazing traffic we pulled in October and keen to maintain a regular review schedule to try and keep some of that traffic. My goal has always been two reviews a week, although we almost never meet that. I think, however, if we bring on one or two more writers, we should be good to go.

Oh, and [profile] timjr? Sorry we haven't gotten you back your revisions yet. We're kind of taking it easy right now. Soon, though!

In case anyone was curious, The Roomie and I had our annual Halloween movie marathon. We kicked off on the night of the 30th and I took the 31st off so we could pack in as many films as possible. The list of films is below the cut (films I'd never seen before in bold).


The roomie has Sunday off, so we're heading to Chandler Cinemas for a triple-feature of Return of the Living Dead (1985), Krull (1983), and Meet the Feebles (1989).

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